Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
