Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
