I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So vagazzling was a success
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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