I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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