dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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