whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
