If i come over, it means nothing
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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