what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
