Dude my mom stole all your condoms
worst night to have a conscience
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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