I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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