smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
