I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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