it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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