She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
