when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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