you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
