you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think your dad took our porno
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
