are you so shy because you have an std?
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's like iHOP with fire
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
