You made me cry and you don't even care
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think your dad took our porno
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
