Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was like having sex with a tree stump
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
