I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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