how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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