She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I FOUND THE LEGS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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