so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
