What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
