He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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