they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
