So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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