i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
