Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
