please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
