they need to just BURY HIM!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
