I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
