Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
