Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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