Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
