Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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