Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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