nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
