The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
