Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
