do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
