i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
