You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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