I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
