What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Acid is not a monday night drug
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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