bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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