So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
