We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
