Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
