Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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