It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
