So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
